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Things Rednecks Will Never Say

-I'll take Shakespeare for 1000, Alex.
-Duct tape won't fix that.
-Honey, I think we should sell the pickup and buy a family sedan.
-Come to think of it, I'll have a Heineken.
-We don't keep firearms in this house.
-Has anybody seen the sideburns trimmer?
-You can't feed that to the dog.
-I thought Graceland was tacky.
-No kids in the back of the pickup, it's just not safe.
-Wrestling's fake.
-Honey, did you mail that donation to Greenpeace?
-We're vegetarians.
-Do you think my gut is too big?
-I'll have grapefruit and grapes instead of biscuits and gravy.
-Honey, we don't need another dog.
-Who gives a crap who won the Civil War?
-Give me the small bag of pork rinds.
-Too many deer heads detract from the decor.
-Spittin' is such a nasty habit.
-I just couldn't find a thing at Wal-Mart today.
-Checkmate.
-She's too young to be wearing a bikini.
-Does the salad bar have bean sprouts?
-Hey, here's an episode of "Hee Haw" that we haven't seen.
-I don't have a favorite college team.
-Be sure to bring my salad dressing on the side.
-You ALL.
-Those shorts ought to be a little longer, Darla.
-Nope, no more for me. I'm drivin' tonight.

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